Numbness



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You know why
People get numb?
The hefty accumulation
Of painful rejections,
Betrayals
And soul-playing
Enkindles that.
It begets
That dense layer
That eventually
Enshrouds
The genuine person
Within its web;
It’s like being dead;
But still breathing.
©diwa_diwa

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“To The Man I Loved And Love”


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(c) Pinterest Photo.
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Do you still remember me? Do you still recollect the instances we spent together? It’s been years since I’ve last spoken to you–yet, it feels like centuries ago.

We had such a beautiful relationship. Everyone thought we’d last forever. Remember how friends wouldn’t even dare sit beside us because they didn’t like sitting with two love birds who were too co-dependent on each other?

We were always together. One look–one blink and we knew what it meant. We had our own private language. We predicted a compatibility that’ll last through infinity.

In truth, I still dream about you. There are nights when I wake up with a heart, heavy with might-have-beens and a face, strewn with horrendous tears. For, how can I even forget the person who had such a hefty impact in my life? How can I forget the man who took care of my every need? How can I disregard the memories of the person who fought the whole bar just because some boy made a snide remark about me? How can I forget you who treated me like a queen?

You had to leave me for a bit. You said it was so you could save up for our future. I had no way of stopping your decision because, as always, you made the logical decisions for us. Besides, I trusted you a lot.

I had to work, as well, while you weren’t with me. I also needed to support myself and my loved ones. Yet, I never meant the distance between us to be permanent. You tried to contact me, regularly. I also tried to reach out, insistently. Until, I disappeared.

I cannot produce any worthwhile justification for why I vanished. I know that I made a grievous mistake. You see, I focused on working–on fixing my life. I had to re-learn being independent and being alone. I did all I can to be fine without you by my side.

Now, here I am, without you. I’ve been surviving on my own, not knowing what happened to you. There are days and nights when I still yearn for you. I’ve long accepted the fact that I shall never love anyone the way I loved you. I know I’ll never do.

But, I haven’t expected the excruciating longing to remain just as strong as that day I decided to leave. I believe you’re mad at me, even now. I dream of your anger–your flashing eyes and booming voice asking me why. I still wake up crying–your absence multiplied a thousandfold within my soul.

Knowing your temper, you’ve probably cursed me a million times for evanescing like that. Yet, I want you to know that I needed to do it–to stabilize my family’s situation. I needed to prioritize them that time. I hope that you’d find it in you to forgive me–maybe not today, but someday.

I’m not hoping for any kind of reunion. I know that what we had has ended for you the day I left–and that’ll haunt me for the rest of eternity. Because, I still love you–I’ll always do.

For, we can only have one shot at true love in this existence. And, woe to the person who dares to throw it away. I know–because I did.

©Diwa

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“A Cave To Forget”


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i go in search of people to rid my system of you; but each time i see a face, all i see is you. in a crowd of strangers, it’s only you, i seek–a pair of chinky eyes, a smiling mouth, a teasing glance. they simply remind me of you. will i ever find a place that won’t make me remember?

a cave.

mayhap a cave will help me forget.

©Diwa

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“Things You’ll Never Know”


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you won’t ever see it.
i guess, you’ll never know;
how much it still means–
the memories of old.
your wall told me things.
silly me, i went to check.
and yes, they hurt–
that sudden, explosive burst;
my heart broke to bits;
but it’ll never show.
i’ll still stand strong and bold.
no speck of sadness will show.
with my head held high,
i’ll still have clear eyes;
for you will never notice
the pain that never ceased.
the love you abandoned in me;
the life we left at the beach.
you told me that you loved me,
i believed those words, you see.
the times we spent together;
the rides, the road, the sea;
they all need to perish.
no trace of them, you’ll see.

©Diwa

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“I Heard Them Mention Your Name”


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I heard them mention your name,
And it made my heart jump with joy;
Then I remembered that you aren’t here,
And that you were never really mine.
So, I smiled at them–
Pretending not to know you, at all.

©Diwa

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“Poetry With You”


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Penning down poetry with you,
That’s something I really miss.
The way we just jotted down,
The many things we talked about.

Writing anything for each other,
From love to poverty to politics;
Then, back again, to love.
The spontaneity and harmony,
With which we created write-ups.

Painting pictures with words–
Be it flowery, simple, fancy, or dark.
The fact that I knew you’d get it,
Anything I chose to use or say.

I loved that we had
The same train of thought–
I could use figures of speech,
And I knew, you’d see through it.
Most times, you did.

Sometimes, you didn’t get my meaning,
And I loved those moments, too.
Those were the times, you’d ask–
Ask away, you did, and I’d laugh.

I used to goad you into discovering,
What I meant–what I wanted to mean–
A word, a line, a stanza.
Sometimes, I had to explain
The whole thing.

But then, you’d make poetry, too.
Each day was full of poems for me.
Why did that even stop, anyway?
Why did we allow it to end?

What I really want, to say, is this:
I miss you and yes, I remember you.
I recall the endless discussions–
The steady flow of input-output
Between you and me.

Although, words are superfluous.
Nothing can, ever, fully enunciate
What was really lost,
The day I lost your love.

Because, I lost more than love.
I also lost my friend–
The dear friend I had, in you.

©Diwa

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“Behind Your Smile”


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Written by Krishnanunni Kichu.
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Have you seen my scars?
The ones you left behind
When you let me move on?

Have you seen my scars
Glow and burn with remorse
When you smiled at me
Last time we crossed our paths?

Have you seen my scars
How deep they still linger
And not letting themselves heal?

Have you seen my scars
All over you?
Because I did-
(Behind your smile)

–Kichu

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“The Impossible You”


Written by an Anonymous Contributor. Thanks for sharing!
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I know all this because we both are alike,
But I’ve learnt to give chances to people,
To prove themselves right because sometimes, they are.

I know you’ll never forgive me,
I know that you can’t take me back,
I know nothing can get back to the way it was,
I know you don’t wanna hear my name again,
Or read something related to me,
I know how hard it is for you,
To get back to the things,
I know that you look often at your past,
But still you want no part of it,
Especially the people you’ve left behind,
I know my words and apologies can’t get you back,
Because you’re your worst enemy,
And your mind will never let you get back to the past things,
I know that no matter how hard I try,
It’s not going to be same as you and me,
Even if everything was based on misunderstandings,
You’ll never try to realize the truth.

But still, I hope for the impossibles and this is how I am.

–Anonymous

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