“My Dearest Baui”

Image of a shih tzu puppy

My dearest Baui,

At the moment, you are lying in a state of coma on my sofa. We just came from the vet and you were scheduled to be given an antibiotic injection. As we arrived at the clinic, you threw up and then went unconscious. I was carrying you in my arms. Continue reading “My Dearest Baui”

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“To The Man I Loved And Love”


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Do you still remember me? Do you still recollect the instances we spent together? It’s been years since I’ve last spoken to you–yet, it feels like centuries ago.

We had such a beautiful relationship. Everyone thought we’d last forever. Remember how friends wouldn’t even dare sit beside us because they didn’t like sitting with two love birds who were too co-dependent on each other?

We were always together. One look–one blink and we knew what it meant. We had our own private language. We predicted a compatibility that’ll last through infinity.

In truth, I still dream about you. There are nights when I wake up with a heart, heavy with might-have-beens and a face, strewn with horrendous tears. For, how can I even forget the person who had such a hefty impact in my life? How can I forget the man who took care of my every need? How can I disregard the memories of the person who fought the whole bar just because some boy made a snide remark about me? How can I forget you who treated me like a queen?

You had to leave me for a bit. You said it was so you could save up for our future. I had no way of stopping your decision because, as always, you made the logical decisions for us. Besides, I trusted you a lot.

I had to work, as well, while you weren’t with me. I also needed to support myself and my loved ones. Yet, I never meant the distance between us to be permanent. You tried to contact me, regularly. I also tried to reach out, insistently. Until, I disappeared.

I cannot produce any worthwhile justification for why I vanished. I know that I made a grievous mistake. You see, I focused on working–on fixing my life. I had to re-learn being independent and being alone. I did all I can to be fine without you by my side.

Now, here I am, without you. I’ve been surviving on my own, not knowing what happened to you. There are days and nights when I still yearn for you. I’ve long accepted the fact that I shall never love anyone the way I loved you. I know I’ll never do.

But, I haven’t expected the excruciating longing to remain just as strong as that day I decided to leave. I believe you’re mad at me, even now. I dream of your anger–your flashing eyes and booming voice asking me why. I still wake up crying–your absence multiplied a thousandfold within my soul.

Knowing your temper, you’ve probably cursed me a million times for evanescing like that. Yet, I want you to know that I needed to do it–to stabilize my family’s situation. I needed to prioritize them that time. I hope that you’d find it in you to forgive me–maybe not today, but someday.

I’m not hoping for any kind of reunion. I know that what we had has ended for you the day I left–and that’ll haunt me for the rest of eternity. Because, I still love you–I’ll always do.

For, we can only have one shot at true love in this existence. And, woe to the person who dares to throw it away. I know–because I did.

┬ęDiwa

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“Emptied”


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She went out into the world–
Excited and ripe.
The universe was up for her picking
And every novel item made her smile.
Dancing her way
Through crevices and alleyways,
She acknowledged each gaping bloom
And gawking gecko–
Anxious to be friends with all.
Then one gecko approached her,
Armed with an elfish grin on his face.
She said, “Hi!”
With all the charm and wit, about her.
They became close and he toured her
All throughout the garden–
Showing her the shrouded interstices
Of this Newfoundland of hers.
The captivating lizard dazzled her
With everything there was.
They gamboled about, in oblivion–
Him, cajoling her to enjoy;
Her, relishing every morsel of his sphere.
What she didn’t fathom
Was that each thing came with a price.
He was of that complex realm
And she was merely a new distraction–
A marvelous divertissement, he deduced.
She took in all sights and tastes,
Careless and free, at last.
“Ah! This is life!” she announced.
A few weeks of vacuous pleasures
And the gecko got weary of her zest.
He was ready to move on–
She was evolving into a pesty baggage.
He threw her away and vanished.
She woke up, disoriented and alone.
The sheltered lass wept–
Inveigled to find him, yet again.
For years, she travelled all over the kingdom–
Peering into every face,
Desiring each to be his.
But, existence wasn’t always for the naive.
Torn and crestfallen,
She went back to her cage.
“Oh, I shouldn’t have
Ventured out of this hutch.
Now, I’m more depressed than before!”
She lamented.
The world is a wondrous dominion;
But, it isn’t for the innocent and the meek.

┬ęDiwa

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