“To The Man I Loved And Love”


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Do you still remember me? Do you still recollect the instances we spent together? It’s been years since I’ve last spoken to you–yet, it feels like centuries ago.

We had such a beautiful relationship. Everyone thought we’d last forever. Remember how friends wouldn’t even dare sit beside us because they didn’t like sitting with two love birds who were too co-dependent on each other?

We were always together. One look–one blink and we knew what it meant. We had our own private language. We predicted a compatibility that’ll last through infinity.

In truth, I still dream about you. There are nights when I wake up with a heart, heavy with might-have-beens and a face, strewn with horrendous tears. For, how can I even forget the person who had such a hefty impact in my life? How can I forget the man who took care of my every need? How can I disregard the memories of the person who fought the whole bar just because some boy made a snide remark about me? How can I forget you who treated me like a queen?

You had to leave me for a bit. You said it was so you could save up for our future. I had no way of stopping your decision because, as always, you made the logical decisions for us. Besides, I trusted you a lot.

I had to work, as well, while you weren’t with me. I also needed to support myself and my loved ones. Yet, I never meant the distance between us to be permanent. You tried to contact me, regularly. I also tried to reach out, insistently. Until, I disappeared.

I cannot produce any worthwhile justification for why I vanished. I know that I made a grievous mistake. You see, I focused on working–on fixing my life. I had to re-learn being independent and being alone. I did all I can to be fine without you by my side.

Now, here I am, without you. I’ve been surviving on my own, not knowing what happened to you. There are days and nights when I still yearn for you. I’ve long accepted the fact that I shall never love anyone the way I loved you. I know I’ll never do.

But, I haven’t expected the excruciating longing to remain just as strong as that day I decided to leave. I believe you’re mad at me, even now. I dream of your anger–your flashing eyes and booming voice asking me why. I still wake up crying–your absence multiplied a thousandfold within my soul.

Knowing your temper, you’ve probably cursed me a million times for evanescing like that. Yet, I want you to know that I needed to do it–to stabilize my family’s situation. I needed to prioritize them that time. I hope that you’d find it in you to forgive me–maybe not today, but someday.

I’m not hoping for any kind of reunion. I know that what we had has ended for you the day I left–and that’ll haunt me for the rest of eternity. Because, I still love you–I’ll always do.

For, we can only have one shot at true love in this existence. And, woe to the person who dares to throw it away. I know–because I did.

©Diwa

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Confession 6: “Introducing Myself”


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Dear Diwa,
Here is a short essay on me.

Me? Umm I am an immature soul with a heart large enough to accommodate all those people who have made me smile in this long run of life. People say I am very childish. Yes, I am. Also one thing they have always told me “Speakkk louddlyy” . I am silent in the midst of a lot of people and I talk softly, hence 99% of everyone has a problem on hearing my voice. When I get angry, I try to release my heat off my heart, so sometimes people have been hurted by my words. I am grateful for the ones who have loved me, valued my words, made me feel special. I like loyalties, friends and relationships. I like dreaming, because I feel it is a place where you can feel everything you want to feel, go everywhere you want to go and meet all the people you want to meet. And you know, I love writing, getting all the emotions off my heart, also I am a great lover of Java, “The programming language”.

©Name Witheld

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“Killing Vendetta”




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“Probinsyano,” an ABS-CBN teleserye that is aired every evening, is one of the highlights in the average Filipino’s staple. Admittedly, it is one of the reasons why my family and I even watch television during weeknights. Continue reading “Killing Vendetta”
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Confession 5: “Crushed”


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This is my confession. I’ve got a crush on my boss. But he doesn’t know it. I don’t know how to tell him but every time I see him, I melt into puddles. He has a bigger than life aura and I want him so much. The problem is that he loves someone else and I hate that girl to bits. Please, Diwa, help me. What should I do? Should I resign or what? Although I still hope he sees me for who I am.

One time, we were alone at the office and he was telling me about the current project we were doing. It was late and all the other employees went home. I was still there because I am his assistant. You know the feeling where you just know? Like you just know that he likes you. I was getting that vibe. But I just ignored it and continued encoding the letters we needed the next day.

He asked if I wanted dinner and I just said no. I wanted of course to have dinner with him. But I didn’t want to look easy. So I said no. The whole time we were finishing the letters, he kept teasing me. He’s a good guy and he never tried anything else. Yet. But I have this feeling that if I don’t stay away, it will come to us both saying what we feel. Well, he has a girlfriend and I don’t want to be a third wheel or something. Maybe I should just leave that job.

Anyway, sorry for this silly letter. I just wanted to send something. Thanks.

©Name Witheld

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Confession 2: “I Hurt A Friend”


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Hi, Diwa.
Hope you’re fine.
I’m *******, and there’s a confession I need to make. It was all my fault, I am repenting so much, but I hope others can learn from my story. Thanks for hearing me out.
So there’s this friend of mine, let’s call her SB. She is a good friend, but she’s immature and stupid, and there are a few things I don’t really appreciate about her. Due to some reasons, I can’t cut ties with her.
I don’t really point out someone’s flaws until they’re a close friend, that’s why, (I hate to admit, but the truth surely bites) I used to talk about her behind her back. I know, I mean, everyone does that, but today I realized how wrong I was to do this. I had b***hed about her on chat with a friend, and today I left my phone with her for a moment. She read my messages. She read all the chats. And then came along the usual drama, which I hated. I deeply felt hurt. I regretted, but now things are sorta complicated. I usually stay on the good side, which is why I feel so bad about my actions. She’s really mad. I don’t think it will go away until a very long time. I don’t want to lose her.
I don’t know why my confession is this incident. I have a lot of problems, but my confession is this. For some reason. I think I really bonded with SB. You’re free to reject this. I just needed you to hear me out. Thanks for reading my childish and silly story :).
Love,
©Name Witheld

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Confession 1: “First Kiss”


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Well, I was only 13 that time and didn’t even know how to kiss( I still don’t know it). I was in an auto rickshaw with my mother, another lady and her daughter who happened to be my neighbor then. We all sat on the backseat. Me and the girl(she was 15 and beautiful) in the middle and our mothers on our sides. Being the month of December it was very very chilly outside. We had a shawl, black in color, which our mothers wrapped us up with. We had covered our head with the shawl so that chilly winds would not enter and we can be warm. And as the shawl was black and because we had covered our head and as it was night, no one could see us. I suddenly felt her hand on my hands. Chills ran down my spine. Then I heard her whispering to me to turn to her. Like someone under a spell I did so. I felt something warm and soft on my lips. My heart was thumping so hard that I felt as if it would tear me and come out. I was awestruck. But after a couple of seconds I started kissing her too. It was intense, wet and beautiful. I had never felt anything like that. It was like I suddenly had become the king of the world. I still can recall the softness of her lips, her captivating smell and the warmth of her arms around me. It lasted for 5 minutes and trust me, my first kiss was beautiful.

©Name Witheld

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“Emptied”


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She went out into the world–
Excited and ripe.
The universe was up for her picking
And every novel item made her smile.
Dancing her way
Through crevices and alleyways,
She acknowledged each gaping bloom
And gawking gecko–
Anxious to be friends with all.
Then one gecko approached her,
Armed with an elfish grin on his face.
She said, “Hi!”
With all the charm and wit, about her.
They became close and he toured her
All throughout the garden–
Showing her the shrouded interstices
Of this Newfoundland of hers.
The captivating lizard dazzled her
With everything there was.
They gamboled about, in oblivion–
Him, cajoling her to enjoy;
Her, relishing every morsel of his sphere.
What she didn’t fathom
Was that each thing came with a price.
He was of that complex realm
And she was merely a new distraction–
A marvelous divertissement, he deduced.
She took in all sights and tastes,
Careless and free, at last.
“Ah! This is life!” she announced.
A few weeks of vacuous pleasures
And the gecko got weary of her zest.
He was ready to move on–
She was evolving into a pesty baggage.
He threw her away and vanished.
She woke up, disoriented and alone.
The sheltered lass wept–
Inveigled to find him, yet again.
For years, she travelled all over the kingdom–
Peering into every face,
Desiring each to be his.
But, existence wasn’t always for the naive.
Torn and crestfallen,
She went back to her cage.
“Oh, I shouldn’t have
Ventured out of this hutch.
Now, I’m more depressed than before!”
She lamented.
The world is a wondrous dominion;
But, it isn’t for the innocent and the meek.

©Diwa

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